Therapy - Part One

I needed help.  My crossdressing was really causing me problems.  Not the dressing itself, for I loved that, but everything else that came with it.  I was pretty typical, I guess.  I had a lot of “issues” about my being a guy who liked to dress up as a woman.  I loved to dress en femme but hated the idea doing so made me gay.  I wasn't gay!  I was straight!  So, I’d go through all the usual stuff.  Lots of self-loathing, lots of guilt, and I’d do the whole binge and purge thing.  That’s what finally did it.  I’d gone through that one too many times.  I’d just blown a few hundred with my credit card on one of those lingerie store websites and then felt so guilty over it that I’d simply thrown away the entire shipment without even opening it!  Then I felt even worse for having wasted all that much money and not having anything lacy and frilly and femme to show for it!  I needed help!  So I began looking around for it. 

 

I began cruising through the crossdresser chat rooms that I already knew about.  This time though I wasn’t looking for stories or makeup tips or the like.  This time I was looking for word of any good therapists who could help me out.  It took a while but I finally found one here in town.  Doctor Richard Wilson.  He was the man.  I’d eventually found several different guys who posted about their success with undergoing therapy with him.  They all said they no longer had any issues or any guilt about their dressing up or being a crossdresser.  That was what I was looking for.  I wanted to ask them more about the specifics of their “issues” but I thought it best if I just kept lurking on those chat sites.  I mean, I didn’t want to offend anyone and nor did I want anyone to attack me over what was going on inside my own head.

For me the biggest “issue” that I have with all this is that someone else might think I’m gay.  I’m not.  I’m straight.  I just like to dress up in woman’s clothes because I like how it feels and I like how it looks.  But I’m no fag.  Even when I’m looking at pictures of other guys all dolled up and with their dicks out and stuff I’m still not gay for looking at those pictures and getting a hardon myself.  I’m not looking at their cocks because I want to play with them or have sex with them but because I wish I was in their shoes (literally) and that’s what turns me on about the whole thing.  At least that’s what I keep telling myself but still the guilt and the loathing and all that crap sets in almost as soon as I cum in my panties.  That just won’t do.  So, it was off to Dr. Wilson!

His office was in one of those generically bland office buildings out in a suburban office park.  They had me come in about half an hour early so I could take care of the paperwork first.  That was fine as it gave me a chance to check things out a bit.  The waiting room was pretty typical, a little bit femme for my taste but I guess that was to put his crossdressing clients at ease.  Dr. Wilson’s rep was that he paid attention to such details and that was why he was so successful.  I also checked out who else was in the room.  First off was the receptionist herself.

Damn!  She was some dish.  Very sexy, in a womanly professional way.  Nice suit, tailored well, nice tits even under all that, and a dazzling smile.  I could make appointments with her all day!

There were several other folks in the room waiting as well.  A couple of them were guys just like me.  They didn’t seem all that comfortable with me or the rest of them being there as we all knew why we were here.  We all had “issues” and were here for Dr. Wilson’s therapy.  A couple of the other guys looked like real hard cases.  They were obviously deeply into being CD’s.  Perhaps they were even transgendered.  I thought Dr. Wilson was supposed to help with all that so I guess these guys got to him later than I did.  Good thing I got to him for my therapy when I did!  Then there were two “ladies” waiting there as well.  I say “ladies” because I knew they couldn’t be actual women.  Not that they didn’t look great, they did.  Very nice.  Very femme but not overly so.  I’m a clever guy though and I figured that there’d be no reason why a real woman would go to a doctor about having problems dressing like a woman.  So, that meant that these two had to be guys.  Plain and simple.  I was pretty  impressed at how passable they were.  Had I not seen them in this office I would gladly have enjoyed their attention.  But that was the thing, I was seeing them in this office and that meant that they were guys and that meant that the attention they were both showing me was a problem. 

I caught them both giving me the once over.  Several times.  They weren’t even subtle about it.  They knew it too.  They were hungry.  I could see it in their eyes.  Had they been real women I would’ve been on them in a heartbeat.  I mean, they had it all, great figures, pretty faces, nice tits, and great outfits.  They just reeked sex.  But they were guys.  I knew they were guys.  And I’m not gay, dammit!  I was relieved when their appointments came up ahead of mine.  I also noticed that those femmed guys had bags with them.  One had a garment bag even!  Why they’d bring those things into their psychiatrist’s office I don’t know.  I got back to filling out my forms.

Soon enough I had them done and handed them back to that sexy receptionist.  She really did have a killer smile.  A while longer (Dr. Wilson must be in high demand) she called me up and had me walk into the back office.  A nurse showed me to a therapy room, there were a bunch down that hallway, and told me the doctor would be in shortly.  She was cute.  Very crisp in her starched nurses outfit.  Nice ass and she was wearing some surprisingly high heels for a woman who has to be on her feet all day.  Anyway, I parked it and waited for Dr. Wilson.

He soon came in and started things up.  He was a pretty impressive guy.  Easily over six feet tall, broad shouldered and obviously works out a whole lot.  Handsome too, in a masculine way.  He had a powerful handshake and an equally powerful personality.  Very strong and commanding.  But not overbearing.  I liked that.  I felt comfortable around his presence.  We did the normal chit chat as we both eased into the therapy session.  As this was my first session with him he had a lot of questions for me.  They ranged pretty widely.  I soon found myself getting very comfortable with him and in opening up to him.  He was very encouraging.

After about an hour or so of this he said we’d done enough for this day.  I was pretty surprised that so much time had passed so quickly.  Then again, there weren’t any clocks in the room and the windows had such heavy blinds on them you couldn't see outside them.  So it was pretty easy to lose track of time.  Especially when talking with Dr. Wilson.  He told me that he thought his therapy would work well with me but that I’d have to be willing to stick with it and also not be taken aback at some of its measures.  He assured me though that if I did all this then the results of the therapy would be excellent.  He told me that he’d like to put me on a fast track as that was one of the ways in which his therapy worked.  With that in mind, he had me set up another appointment that week and then each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday thereafter.  That was a fast track!  However, he was the doctor here and I wanted this to succeed as much as anyone!  So, it was back out into the waiting room were I set things up with that cute receptionist.  She seemed very enthusiastic about my starting this therapy.  It was good to have such a supportive staff! 

While I was setting up those appointments I noticed the waiting room had filled up again.  Once again there were a couple of femmed guys and there was also another pretty one.  She was just as pretty and just as hungry in looking at me.  I was out of the office fast.  I think I saw her/him smirking as I bailed.  That bugged me – what if he thought I was gay!

Anyway, I was right on time for my next appointment.  I wanted to make this work so I was going to give it my all.  Instead of quickly sitting down with Dr. Wilson though, I was shown to a different therapy room and was soon sitting down in front of a computer screen and keyboard.  The nurse, a different one than at my last appointment but just as sexy, told me that this was part of Dr. Wilson’s therapy and that the computer would administer a battery of psychological profile tests which would help the Dr. fine tune the therapy for my best results.  I was only somewhat put out as I was expecting something traditional – you know, couch and notepad and all that.  Still though, this is the modern age and anything to help the therapy along, right?

Before leaving the nurse handed me this set of headphones.  She said this particular exam room could get noisy with the computer fans and all and that I needed to focus entirely on the computer screen.  So, these headphones were designed to cancel out any external noises and help me along with things.  That was pretty slick.  I’d heard of noise canceling headphones but never used a set.  So, I put those on, settled into the chair and started up with the computer program.  I noticed the headphones played some pleasant sounding New Agey stuff and that they really did mask out the external noises.  They were pretty handy and I thought I could use a pair like this at home!  The program on the computer screen did require a lot of my attention though. 

There were a whole bunch of questions and some graphic problem solving stuff.  The usual mind game things.  There was some memory retention image problems where an image would flash on the screen quickly and then I’d have to identify what was in it.  The usual stuff.  Some of it got pretty repetitive and I managed to slip right into the groove of answering things on the screen without even having to think about them.  The music playing on the headphones really helped with that as it really did allow me to do a “stream of consciousness” thing.  I was so focused that I was actually a bit groggy when the nurse, a different one yet again, came in to check up on me.  She had already turned off the computer and was standing there next me to me for a bit before I realized she was even there.

She smiled at that and then helped me take off the headphones.  She said not to worry as this sort of thing happens a lot.  It meant that I was really getting into things and that the therapy should work really well for me as a result.  She also asked me if I’d like any water as a lot of folks usually did after spending that long working on the PC.  I was thirsty and gladly accepted the glass she handed me.  As she stepped out of the room she told me not to worry about the taste being a bit off as that was just the piping in the building and that they were getting filters in soon.  Even so, I downed that glass quickly for there was the rest of my appointment to go through.  The nurse popped back in and escorted my to one of the other therapy rooms and there I waited for Dr. Wilson.  I noticed that the same sort of music was playing in this room as was playing in those headphones.  This was good stuff, it really put me at ease, I was going to have to get this CD from them.  Anyway, Dr. Wilson must have been busy once again for it seemed like a long time passed with me just sitting there in that room waiting for him.  That was OK though, for I was really, really comfortable sitting there listening to that music.

Soon though, he did come in and started the personal portion of my therapy session.  He asked me a bunch of questions about the computer tests I just went through and he checked some reports which were from it.  Then he began talking to me some more about the results of those tests.  He had a lot to say and I was having an increasingly difficult time keeping up with what he was saying to me.  His words were so pleasant to hear and they all just flowed together so well and Dr. Wilson was such a good man for helping me in my therapy.  After a while I just let him keep talking to me as that felt so good.  I just listened and took in what he had to say.  I was very content and very happy to do that.  I’m not sure what, exactly he was saying to me but I knew it was right, and knew it was good for he was my doctor and this was his therapy and he was helping me with his therapy.  I was so happy with this.

Eventually I awoke to the nurse (yet another nurse – how many different nurses does he have working for him?) telling me that it was time to go.  She said that Dr. Wilson saw how exhausted I was so he just let me nap.  That was so good of him.  He is such a wonderful doctor.  I was still a bit groggy but that soon cleared and I was once again out in the waiting room.  More femmed guys there but no pretty ones, thankfully.  I was feeling too happy and floaty to deal with that now.

It was a long few days until my next therapy session.  I was rather distracted during this time so I was pretty damn eager to be back at Dr. Wilson’s office.  So eager, in fact, that I got there early – and even though there was a pretty one also in the waiting room I didn’t let his looking at me bother me at all.  I just noticed how nice he looked in his little dress outfit.  Then it was my appointment.  This time I recognized the nurse who showed me to the computer room.  Different tests this time, and, seeing as how thirsty the last session left me, this nurse had put out a glass and pitcher of water right next to the machine.  That was very thoughtful of her.  I made sure to keep sipping it all through that computer session.  The tune on the headphones was also a bit different.  Still nice though, but different.  I soon lost myself in completing the computer tests and once again it took me a while to realize the machine had been turned off. 

I was still pretty woozy from working that hard at the computer so the nurse had to steady me a bit as she walked me over to the personal therapy room.  Actually, I didn’t mind this too much.  She was cute, her nurses outfit felt nice to rub against, and she smelled nice too.  Once again I was waiting for a while in that room until my Dr. came in.  More questions, more reporting, and more talking.  Once more I felt myself being carried away by his voice.  He had such a commanding voice.

This time though I clearly remembered some of the things he had to say.  He had instructions for me.  He told me there were some things I needed to do outside of the therapy room that would enhance my therapy progress.  One thing he said was that I really needed to meditate more and clear my mind of any guilt or self-judgments.  He knew this could be hard to do at first so he recommended I play some music for me to focus on and let that help me clear my mind of anything else.  He had some CD’s which he’d prescribe for just that purpose.  He was such a good doctor!

So, I was back out in the waiting room and chatting with the receptionist as she got me my set of CD’s.  She really did have a cute ass as she bent over the file cabinet getting those music discs.  I was so entranced by her figure and by the fact that my therapy was already progressing that I didn’t even mind the fact that there were three pretty ones in the waiting room and that they were all tittering amongst themselves in checking me out.  Well, enough of that!  I didn’t have it as bad as they did!  I was smart enough to seek out Dr. Wilson’s therapy long before I got as bad as them!

I was pretty eager to get going with those CD’s and I would’ve popped them into my car’s player but Dr. Wilson said I should save them for later that night when I would have the uninterrupted time and space to properly benefit from them.  He really does pay attention to the details.  So, once I’d gotten everything set up, I popped those CD’s in my stereo, turned down the lights, put the headphones on, and fired them up.  Then I began focusing on the music they were playing and I just drifted off.  It was a good thing I didn’t set them for autoplay or else I would have been there all night!  After a couple of hours though I did wake up sitting there in the living room.  I felt a bit groggy and I felt good too.  Very relaxed and comfortable with myself.  I also noticed a big wet spot in my pants.  I’d cum in my pants!  That was really weird but, oddly, I wasn’t put out by it or anything.

The same thing happened Tuesday night as well.  This was among the first things I wanted to tell Dr. Wilson at my next therapy session.  And that I did.  The computer test seemed a bit more brief this time and even though I was just as thirsty I guess my staying hydrated didn’t leave me feeling so out of it when I was finally with the doctor.

He asked me how my meditation sessions were going and I told him how happy they made me but that I also was ejaculating while listening to them.  This didn’t seem to phase him in the least.  Instead, he seemed to actually expect this.  He told me that sometimes the therapy sessions would yield this sort of result.  That sometimes his patients would have such deepseated issues that he really had to do some unique measures in his therapy in order to break through the issues and get the therapy results his patients so clearly wanted.  The best way he found to do this was through some light hypnosis.

           

I was a bit taken aback at this but Dr. Wilson assured me that this was what I needed.  So, because I trusted him and because I also wanted to succeed here, I consented.  With that he handed me some forms for me to fill out in which I stated that consent and he called for a nurse to help him prep me.  Nothing really ominous about that.  She just came in with some pills and a glass of water.  Dr. Wilson told me that the pills were just a mild sedative that would assist in the hypnosis process.  I swallowed them down and Dr. Wilson then kept up talking to me asking me more questions about my crossdressing.  Gradually those pills took effect and soon I was completely under.  The next thing I know I was coming out of it with Dr. Wilson consulting his notes once again.

“Ah,” he said, “back with us.  Good.  I knew the hypnosis would be helpful.  I’m not surprised to find that your issues with crossdressing do need some rather intense work.  I know this might be difficult for you but I’m going to help you with this as much as I can.  What we need to do here is to break through the issues you have.  I’ve found the best way to do that is to force them to the surface as quickly as we can.  For you, that means forcing you to confront your crossdressing issues.  To do that, it means that you should continue this therapy while crossdressed.  This will force you to open up to the therapy as nothing else can.  I promise you, the results you’ll achieve will be excellent!”

I was stunned to hear this.  My doctor was going to help me with my crossdressing problem by having me crossdress?  That was very strange.  I tried thinking of reasons why it wouldn’t work or why I should say no but I couldn’t.  He was the psychiatrist, after all, not me.  And he was the one who achieved such good results with his therapy and that’s what I was there for.

Dr. Wilson was positively beaming when I told him that I agreed.  That alone almost made it worthwhile.  I felt really good that I was making Doctor Wilson – my doctor – happy in any way.  So, I set myself to it.  I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t feel any guilt at all that night when I went out to the mall and picked myself up some little femmy things.  Normally I would have been very embarrassed at all this and tried pretending that they were for my wife or something.  That never worked as the salesgirls could always seem to tell they weren’t for anyone but me.  This time though I felt much more comfortable just walking right up to the counter and having them ring up my purchases.  That felt good.  That felt right.  I guess my therapy sessions really were having a good affect.

That night I even put on one of my new pair of panties as I did my meditation session and I wasn’t surprised to later find a great big wet spot in them either.  The same thing happened the next night too.

Friday’s appointment with Dr. Wilson saw me with him directly.  No computer stuff this time.  He asked me straight away if I was following his instructions (“Doctor’s orders you know” he had joked) and I told him that I was.  He then asked to see what, exactly, I had worn under my regular clothes and he would settle for just seeing the bra under my opened shirt.  No, I had to take down my pants some so he could see my panties too!  All part of the therapy he said.  This was all about breaking down the barriers I had put up around me and that by breaking them down I would attain much better results. 

We kept up like this for a while longer.  He really did have a lovely voice.  He kept asking me questions and speaking to me and soon I was drifting off again under his voice.  He told me that it was good I was feeling so happy wearing my panties and that I should keep on feeling happy.  That is was good to feel happy and if wearing panties made me feel happy then it was good to wear panties.  He also told me some other things but I don’t remember those all that well.  I do remember him telling me that he’d like to run some more tests on the computer with me. 

So, it was back to the computer room again.  This time the pitcher of water was there waiting for me.  I was taking that test for a while this time.  I vaguely remember going through two entire pitchers of water while I was taking that test.  It was a good thing my appointment was that late on a Friday or else my boss would really have given me grief.  I finally got done with the computer and felt clear headed enough to head out on my own.  It was actually kinda late at night by that time so I was pretty grateful for Dr. Wilson’s staff for sticking around just for me.  Dr. Wilson had even prescribed some new meditation CD’s for me to listen to over the weekend.  He is such a thoughtful doctor.

That weekend was something of a blur.  I went out shopping again, and this time I bought myself a couple of entire outfits as well as a whole bunch more panties and nylons and such.  Each night I’d get all dressed up and then put on the CD’s and start my meditation.  This really was good therapy for me even if it did mean I had to wash my panties each time.

Come Monday’s appointment I was in Dr. Wilson’s office again and this time I was wearing a nice red teddy under my shirt and tie.  Dr. Wilson was very approving of this in our therapy session.  He said that this was proof of how much more effective the therapy would be if I underwent that therapy while en femme.  Even though he told me this after he’d been talking to me for a while again and I’d floated away on his voice again, I knew he was right and I knew it was important for me to follow his instructions.  Even when I was once again focusing on that computer pysch test I knew how important it was for me to actually dress up for my therapy sessions.

The nurse who helped me wind down from that session did give me some suggestions though.  She told me that at first, it could be a bit much for me to get all done up and come over to the doctor’s office.  She suggested that I do the basics first, bring along my outfit for that day, and then change once I got here.  She was so helpful with that.  So, that’s what I did.

Wednesday saw me in that waiting room a full hour early and I was there with my pants and shirt being the only masculine thing on me.  Everything underneath wasn’t.  I got some knowing looks now from the pretty ones in the office and some relieved looks from the other femmed guys there.  Now I realized that this was all part of the therapy.  At least the femmed part.  I knew I’d never have to dress up like the pretty ones because my therapy was going to work long before that!  Still though, I was kind of envious of their outfits and of how well they could do themselves up.  But I was grateful that the parking lot was behind Dr. Wilson’s building so I didn’t have to walk the streets like this!

I was actually somewhat nervous that first time all dressed up.  Dr. Wilson was supportive but he saw that this could be a problem.  So, he recommended more hypnosis to help me relax.  Soon I was feeling the effects of that little pill and of his wonderful, wonderful voice as it washed all through me.  He was such a good doctor!  And this therapy was really important too!  That day I was so into listening to him during my therapy session that I didn’t even remember leaving that room to take the psych test on the computer.  But, that is what must have happened as that is where I eventually found myself as the nurse (one of at least six different ones – I think) was standing there, patiently, for me to realize I’d completed that day’s computer work.  She didn’t seem bothered at all that there I was all dressed up. 

Not that I minded being dressed up.  In fact, I was feeling very happy about it.  I was feeling happy about it and actually feeling pretty horny too.  The bulge my cock was making in my panties could not have been missed but that nurse, god bless her, didn’t make mention of it.  I had to take care of things once I was left alone to change into my male clothes before heading back home.  That night I didn’t wait for any wet dreams while listening to my meditation CD’s.  Instead I got all dressed up again and played with myself for a long, long time running all those silky femmy things all over me.  I came again that night, very, very deeply.  I did, however, find it within myself to do my meditation exercises as well.  That, for some reason, was really, really important to me that I did those every night without fail.  So, I put the CD’s in, popped the headphones on, and focused on floating away.  Yes, I soaked my panties again too.

During Friday’s session I told Dr. Wilson how much I was actually getting turned on by these therapy sessions He smiled and said that was natural too and that I should expect it.  After all, I was now unlocking doors to my inner self and my inner sexuality so it should be very powerful and sensual.  He encouraged me in all this.  He told me that my therapy might progress better if I followed a more structured approach in my dressing up for each therapy session.  For one thing, this meant that he would specify the outfit he for me to wear for our session.  It would be there waiting for me when I arrived.  Hypnosis would now also become a regular part of our sessions as well.  So, at each session there would be the glass of water and my little pill to help me along.  After a few weeks of this I was just about perfect at doing myself up and my therapy appointments were the highpoint of my week.

My doctor also told me that we really needed to change some of the dynamics of my therapy if I was to truly open up to him as I needed to.  So, from then on our therapy sessions always started with me in the finest frilly thing he wanted me in and me on my knees in the middle of the therapy room.  He said this position would help me trust in him more due to its power dynamics.  He would come in and begin walking around me, asking me his questions.  He kept on talking to me and walking around me.  At first I’d get a bit dizzy but then he’d turn on this little spinning light thing and place that in front of me so I could just look at that.  That really helped and I could steady myself by focusing on just that.  Its spinning little lights were so pretty to look at and they just seemed to draw me into them.  Then he’d resume walking around me and talking to me.  He had such a lovely voice.  I’d float away on that voice.  I’d float away and answer everything and anything he asked me.  I’d also follow that voice and do whatever it told me.  I was so happy to hear that voice.  I felt so calm, so comfortable, so secure, so submissive to its power.

I always had a hard time remembering what it was, exactly, that he said to me during our therapy sessions.  He told me not to worry as that was natural and an affect of the hypnosis.  We were making excellent progress though and he then recommended that I start coming in for therapy each night of the week!  He and his staff would stay late for this.  I was very happy to hear that and I jumped at the chance!

My doctor also told me that these daily therapy sessions would be very demanding on me physically so he was going to prescribe some nutritional supplements that would keep me in fine shape.  Just some vitamin pills and this special nutrition shake twice a day.  Leaving the office that day I had quite the armful with all that stuff and the bag with that day’s outfit.  Yes, I got to take them home with me each time!  This went on until I had a fully restocked wardrobe.  Then Dr. Wilson would simply tell me which outfit he thought would be most effective for me to wear during my next therapy session.  I was in such a blissful haze doing all this.

Here I was finally getting good results with my crossdressing problem and I was feeling wonderful doing it and also getting to wear such beautiful outfits.  No wonder those other guys said such good things about Dr. Wilson’s therapy!  Sure, I knew at some point we would achieve that “breakthrough” Dr. Wilson spoke of and at that point my crossdressing problem would be over.  But I figured at that point my no longer needing all these outfits wouldn’t be a problem.  I’d just give them all back to Dr. Wilson, right?

This went on for several months.  Dr. Wilson was right, the daily sessions were very demanding.  I wound up feeling both exhilarated and exhausted by it all.  Those vitamin pills and nutritional shakes really helped though as I always felt better after taking them.  Dr. Wilson told me I needed to keep progressing on my meditation exercises and that I couldn’t do that if I became too familiar with the music I played during those sessions.  So, he kept on prescribing new CD’s for me to listen to.  I just brought back my old ones once done with them.  That was pretty handy.

As part of my therapy sessions Dr. Wilson suggested I work on my breathing techniques.  He was very helpful with this too.  We started with the simple in and out breathing and then we did something better, something more in line with the goals of my therapy.  During my previous sessions with him I had told him of my fears about being perceived as gay simply because I liked to dress up.  Now he told me that I could better deal with that if I faced it more head on.  To start doing that he proposed that I combine my breathing exercises during our therapy sessions with a bit more control over the breathing.  For that he handed me what he called a breath control device.  It was just a long rounded flexible plastic cylinder.  Yes, it did look somewhat phallic but Dr. Wilson told me that this is what I needed to start on.  It was all part of my therapy. 

So, as I knelt there in Dr. Wilson’s therapy room, with that music playing, my mind in that wonderful state those pills and his voice (his wonderful voice) put me in, and while I was wearing this tight and flouncy little blue dress over my corset, panties, garter belt, hose and lovely four inch pumps, I reached out and took that “device” into my hands.  Dr. Wilson was very encouraging and very soothing and very commanding too.  I looked up at him as he stood there before me and I raised that “device” to my glossed lips and began rapping my lips around it.  I took it deeply down my throat as Dr. Wilson coached me along each inch of the way.  I took it in and then pulled it slowly out exhaling as I did so.  Then I pushed it back passed my lips again and then out again, inhaling this time.  I soon established a rhythm that wasn’t too difficult as it matched the one Dr. Wilson had me work up to in my breathing exercises during my therapy sessions.

I felt so happy at this.  I was finally beginning to confront one of the biggest “issues” I’d been worried about with my crossdressing.  Dr. Wilson didn’t call it this but even as I floated along in that happy state under his voice I knew that what I was doing could be called cocksucking.  Yet, I didn’t feel bad about it.  There was no more guilt here.  Sure, I was wrapping my lips – my painted lips – around that plastic shaft just like it was a real cock.  But it wasn’t a real cock and just because I was doing this didn’t make me queer!  Besides, it did make Dr. Wilson happy at my progress and I knew that was a good thing too.

We wrapped up that session with more computer work.  Dr. Wilson had me take another sedative pill for he said I did seem a bit stressed from our session.  The images on the computer screen seemed a bit different this time too.  Not so much any psych tests as just different images of men and women in all sorts of outfits and all sorts of activities.  The nurse who helped me this time actually put some monitoring equipment on me.  She taped some electrode things on my nipples and on my cock as well.  She was very careful in putting them on my nipples for she could see that they were rather sensitive for me. 

When that computer test was done she was there again, helping me out of the equipment.  I was on cloud nine that day.  I knew I had done well in my therapy session with Dr. Wilson and I knew that my therapy was working really, really well otherwise.  Everything felt so good, so right.  I must have let myself get carried away with feeling so happy as I’d also managed to cum in my panties!  I guess those electrode things must really have tickled me and that those sensations weren’t in my mind as I’d thought.  For a moment I feared the nurse would be upset at this but she took it in stride.  She just smiled at me as she gingerly removed the electrode pads from my nipples – I nearly swooned at how good it felt for her to even touch them – and then also removed the pad attached to my cock.  There was some of my cum on that and that got onto her fingers as well.  Without any pause she simply held her fingers up to my painted lips.  And also without any pause I lovingly took those fingers into my mouth and licked them clean.  That just seemed so right I did it without even thinking.  Her fingers felt so good in my mouth that my running my tongue around them began to get me turned on again.  It seemed to have some effect on her as well for I heard her moan a bit before she popped those pretty fingers of hers out of my mouth.  I was really enjoying my therapy sessions!

This too went on for a couple of weeks, by which time I was no longer doing my breathing exercises with a “breath control device” but with dildos outright.  Dr. Wilson had brought me along with that, pacing me as he knew this was a major issue with me.  Once he saw that I was able to take even a large cock dildo into my mouth without my running into any psychological barriers he told me that it was time to progress further.  We’d been working up to this and his hypnosis of me had gotten more intense and more deep.  I truly felt that I could trust him and that his therapy was absolutely the best thing for me.  So, when he told me that the best way I could confront my issues with being perceived as gay was by actually sucking a real cock, well, I only hesitated but briefly.  Especially once he told me that it would be his cock I would take into my mouth.  His cock.  My doctor’s cock.  The doctor who had been so helpful to me and had helped me so much already.  Yes, I would gladly do this for my doctor.  I would do this because it would help me in my therapy, it would prove to me that I wasn’t gay.  After all, Doctor Wilson wasn't gay - I could tell!  So, this was just part of my therapy and if a straight man could let another guy suck his cock without either of them being queer then I could do that!  And besides, going this far in my therapy would please Doctor Wilson as well and I always wanted to please Doctor Wilson.  Doctor Wilson was a wonderful doctor who was helping me so very much.  I should always do what ever Doctor Wilson tells me to do.  So, yes, I would gladly do my breathing exercises with my doctor’s cock to help me along.

I actually felt grateful to him when he stepped forward and pressed his hard cock onto my lips and had me take him into my mouth and down my throat.  He was right.  I had to achieve an almost Zen-like focus to maintain my breathing with his cock so completely filling my mouth and throat.  I always felt so happy to achieve such a complete meditative state that I was able to blend my breathing with his rhythmic thrusts into my mouth.  I knew my therapy was working!

I truly felt happy doing that.  I was in bliss, actually.  Everything about it was right.  All those months of therapy were finally paying off.  I could now take a man’s cock deep inside my mouth, deep inside my throat, and do so without the slightest worry that I might be gay as a result of it.  No guilt, no worry, only happiness and joy that I could do all of this and do it all while dressed and painted as pretty as I could ever be.  I think my doctor must have been equally happy at this for he was just as overcome with the moment as I was.  I actually savored his cum when his cock, his beautiful cock, came in mouth.  I savored it so much I came in my panties at that moment as well.  It was a wonderful moment for both of us.

This then became a regular part of my therapy sessions.  I would arrive now fully done up so as to save time and be able to get right to my therapy session.  I felt very good being so completely dressed up.  I knew I was good enough to pass even out in public.  I also knew that my being so happy and being so comfortable in dressing up that I would do so in public and in preparation for my therapy sessions was something which made Dr. Wilson very happy.  I loved making my doctor happy.  It was then that Dr. Wilson introduced yet another escalation to the intensity of our therapy sessions; butt plugs.  He told me that from our hypnosis sessions he learned that I still had some issues about anal penetration and that this was one more thing we could do to help solve those issues and help breakthrough those barriers.  So, if my having a plug up my butt would help me with my crossdressing issues and help me gain confidence that I wasn’t gay for dressing up, well, then it was time to get to it.

I was actually rather pleased that I only needed two little sedative pills and Dr. Wilson only needed to put me in a light hypnotic trance before he put that first plug up my butt.  It was such a little thing but it was a big moment for me.  I was so glad it was Dr. Wilson helping me with this.  He knew me so well.  He could tell I needed to focus on my breathing to maintain my proper mental state.  So he immediately had me start my breathing exercises.  The rhythm he helped me set by running his cock in and out of my mouth soon did calm me down to where I needed to be.  It was also then that I realized the absolutely wonderful feeling that can come from being filled on both ends.  We soon went up in size on those plugs as Dr. Wilson told me that this was the best way for me to confront those barriers and issues I still had left.

At my next therapy session Dr. Wilson told me that we’d reached a plateau in my therapy.  The light sedatives and light hypnosis could only go so far and that I had some very deeply seated issues that we needed to work through if my therapy was going to be a success.  I remember all this very well for it was the first time he mentioned the therapy machine.  These days I get butterflies in my tummy whenever he even mentions it.  Back then I remember my cock twitching upon hearing it.  I was wearing a really pretty emerald green corset, matching panties and garters.  The opera length gloves were also emerald green as were my knee high lace up ballet heeled boots.  Only my nylons were smoky black.  The rest of me was done up like some emerald gem.  A St. Patrick’s Day sissy perhaps?  Anyway, as I knelt there and heard him speak of the therapy machine that would help me my cock began to harden and tent out my panties.  He smiled and told me that I’d have to be very careful in washing my precum out of those panties.  I assured him I would and asked him how soon I could start this next phase of my therapy?  It turns out I could do so immediately and I gladly consented!  I guess I’d grown impatient with all the months it had taken to get me this far, this close to the final barriers between me and my solving my crossdressing problem.  So, if all it now took was time in that therapy machine then I was all for it!

He helped me up and steadied me as he walked me over to another therapy room.  There, another one of his sexy nurses helped me over to the machine.  It was this odd looking thing made out of shiny chromed steel, oiled black leather, and molded plastics.  I had to swing my leg over it and work myself onto and into it.  They both helped me at this and soon I was very well tucked in.  And strapped in.  And buckled in.  And clamped in too.

All for my protection he told me.  Just so that I wouldn’t fall out and hurt myself.  He stroked my hair and spoke to me some more in that lovely, lovely voice of his.  While he did this, his nurse removed that day’s butt plug and then inserted the plug that was built in to the machine.  I moaned as that plug rubbed against my prostate.

The nurse then unlimbered my cock and balls from their panty covering and inserted them into a special set of orifices in the machine.  I was a bit apprehensive at his nurse being so forward as this and a bit embarrassed that she clearly saw how hard I was from all this.  He just spoke some more to me and assured me that it was alright as the nurse had also been one of his patients and had undergone the same therapy I was.  Then he told me to turn my head so that he could finish strapping me in.  I gladly did so and soon enough my head was firmly and comfortably locked in place in the machine.  He told me I needed to work on my breathing and this other part of the machine would help me with that too. 

I then felt something pushing on my painted lips and he told me to open them so I could allow the machine into my mouth.  It felt just like one of the dildos he had prescribed for me to work on my oral fixations with and I let it flow deep into my mouth and down my throat.  I only wished it was his cock but he told me that this was necessary for the machine to carry on with my therapy.

The nurse then fitted two large suction cup devices to my chest, after first affixing two small nipple clamps with the little electrodes things on them to my nipples.  Their little stimulations went right through me and down to my cock.  I then noticed that they did indeed seem to be timed together and so too did the plug in my ass.  At about this time, the nurse then began fixing the view goggles to my eyes.  My last sight of Dr. Wilson was his smiling face as he told me that the images I would be seeing would greatly help in my therapy so I should be sure to watch them closely.  The nurse then finished adjusting everything and I heard her stand back while he activated the machine.

At that moment I felt the plug in my butt begin to vibrate a bit and also to begin rubbing on my prostate as well.  The tube encasing my cock also began to pulsate and I felt some suction on it as well.  Then my nipples began buzzing and I felt my chest begin to pull out from the suction of the cups upon it.  I marveled at all this as my doctor then placed the earphones about my head and I heard his voice – his wonderful voice – coming through oh so clearly.  He told me to relax and let the machine help me in my therapy.  He told me to begin sucking on the dildo in my mouth and that I should swallow what came from it as it was good for me.  Soon enough I felt that dildo pulse a bit and something warm and sweet spurted from its tip and into my mouth.  It tasted an awful lot like my doctor’s wonderful nectar so I swallowed it just as eagerly and as happily as I did his during our breathing exercise sessions.  It was then that these little video screens in front of my eyes flickered and came to life.

As I was watching the images of these beautiful men in their wonderful corsets and nylons and garters and dresses and high heels and makeup I also felt my doctor adjust some sort of mask around my nose and I soon began smelling something like a wonderful flower.  The music then coming through my earphones also helped to lull me into a wonderful floating dream state.  I still was watching those little screens for that was important – my doctor had said so!

I floated like that for a long, long time.  I don’t know how long it was that first time, exactly, but I do know it was long enough for me to completely empty my bowels at least twice.  I know that because the machine told me to do so.  I guess it could sense when I was full for it began playing my doctor’s voice telling me that I should relieve myself.  This played over and over until I did.  Once I complied the stimulations by the plug in my butt, which had somehow opened to take my release and then shrunk back down afterwards, the tube around my cock, the clamps on my nipples, and the dildo in my mouth all turned themselves on whenever I followed my doctor’s orders.  It was good to follow his orders.  He knew what was best for me.  He was helping me.  This was my therapy and I had to follow his orders for my therapy to work.  I would be happy when my therapy worked and I wanted to be happy.  My doctor would be happy when my therapy worked and I wanted him to be happy.  I knew all this even without the machine telling it to me but it was nice that the machine would remind me of it.  I guess the machine wanted to be sure I didn’t forget this as it played that message again and again across those headphones.  I drifted along and let that message wash over me and into every bit of my being.

Eventually though, my time in the therapy machine came to an end.  At least for that session.  My doctor was there along with one of his nurses, a different nurse this time – as usual, helping me out of the therapy machine.  I thought I would feel good to be out of that therapy machine but once they had disconnected everything and had withdrawn the butt plug and dildo I felt terribly, terribly empty.  I began to cry from that.  I was so emotional.

My doctor took me into his arms and comforted me.  He was such a good doctor.  He stroked my hair and wiped away my tears telling me that my reaction was perfectly normal and that I shouldn’t be ashamed of it or of feeling so empty.  That the fullness I had felt was a wonderful thing and really just a recognition of one of the deeper issues within me.  My therapy was revealing that I needed the full feeling in order to truly feel complete.  I need to have that as it put me in balance with myself and with the world.  I cried some more at that because I realized I was now out of balance because I was so empty.

Dr. Wilson smiled at that and said that, while he could not put me back in the therapy machine (he had other patients needing its treatment) he could help me feel that fullness just as he helped me with my breathing exercises.  He was such a good doctor!  I never felt closer to him than at that moment when I asked him if he would help me regain that fullness.  Soon I was on my back on one of the padded couches in the therapy room and my doctor was holding my ankles as he put himself into me.  That feeling of fullness returned then and did so with such ecstasy I nearly swooned.  He was right, so right (but then, my doctor is always right) and his having his cock inside me truly did feel right and good and it set me at ease.  I was truly content and I knew that this therapy was exactly what I needed. 

I also realized then that I now had a man’s cock inside me!  I was being fucked by a man!  I was dressed up as a woman, done up like a emerald green tart really, and I was being fucked by a guy.  If ever there was a moment when I should have been worried about being called a fag then this was it!  Yet, I wasn’t.  Instead, everything just felt so right.  Everything just felt so good and proper and wonderful.  I suddenly realized that this must be it.  This must have been the final barrier which Dr. Wilson wanted me to break through!  My therapy sessions had worked!  And it was my doctor’s cock which finally cured me!  This was wonderful!  This was ecstasy!  This was what I needed.  I had a normal and 100% straight man's cock inside me as I was dressed as a woman and it felt glorious because I was completely straight too!  I had to be or otherwise I wouldn't be feeling so good about all this.  I knew that had to be it.  I knew it!

I began to babble my thanks for all this but then my doctor then reminded me that this was not his work alone which had brought me to such a wonderful place in my therapy and that I also owed a great debt of gratitude to his helpful staff as well.  I heartily agreed and looked over at the nurse wanting to shake her hand.  My doctor laughed at that and said a more personal means of thanks would be more appropriate.  With this, the nurse hiked up her short little skirt, pulled her tight panties aside and pulled out her cute little cock!  That sexy little nurse was a man!  Like me!

This realization didn’t slow me down too much as I soon had my lips around the nurse’s cock and was reveling in the fullness I was now feeling at both ends!  This was such bliss!  This was what I wanted.  This was what I needed!  This was just what the doctor ordered!  Literally!

I was so glad my doctor would take such time out of his busy schedule to help further my therapy like this.  I’m also glad I was able to progress so well in my therapy that it made him so happy.  Even as he was thrusting his gorgeous cock into me he made sure to keep talking to me in that wonderful voice of his.  I love that voice.  It is so strong and so powerful and so commanding.  As usual, I began to lose myself in that voice of his.  Even though he was talking to me, telling me how well I was doing in my therapy, his voice seemed to have the same effect on his nurse.  Either that or she was just as happy to be helping me with my therapy too.  I was glad for that as well and redoubled my efforts showing her how well my doctor had taught me my breath control lessons by eagerly taking her cute little feminized cock down my throat.  I was so grateful to my doctor and to his staff for helping me with my therapy like this.  I was almost embarrassed that my own body was showing its excitement by my cock’s becoming nice and hard too.

Soon though, my doctor thrust even deeper into me and told me that I should no longer feel so empty now that he had personally helped fill me.  I could tell he’d worked hard at this as his breathing was short and he gripped my titties really hard there for a minute or so.  I think his nurse must have sensed how much I wanted to personally thank him for she leaned over to him and kissed him nice and deeply.  I’m sure that she wouldn’t do that otherwise, what, with her being a nurse and all.

Anyway, my doctor was soon off to help with conducting even more therapy sessions with other lucky guys.  I didn’t feel empty for long as the nurse graciously was willing to help me continue my therapy.  She popped her cute little cock out of my mouth and past my painted lips and then minced around in her high heels so that she could take my doctor’s place between my legs.  No, her cute little cock didn’t make me feel as wonderfully full as my doctor’s did but it did feel good none-the-less and I sure was glad to be able to thank her for all her hard work too!  She also told me to focus on one of the lessons I’d just learned in the therapy machine and that was to better control my muscles down there.

It took a bit of doing but my nurse was oh-so-patient while I practiced clenching my sphincters.  She really did have a lot of patience and put up with my fumbling around until she felt I’d gotten it right.  She worked hard helping me and eventually she too got out of breath just like my doctor did.  She thrust in really deeply and then collapsed atop of me.  Strapped in on the exam table like I was there was no place I could go and I was glad to feel her rub her latex nurse’s outfit against me.  She laid atop me like that and idly began rubbing my titties and then, seeing how I moaned and squirmed from that, she inched up and began kissing me!  Now, I’m not gay or anything like that so at first I was a bit hesitant but then I remembered that she was a nurse – one of my doctor’s nurses – and that she was helping me with my therapy, so this must be part of my therapy, so that meant it was OK.  So, I parted my lips just like I did for my doctor’s cock when he helps me with my breathing therapy and then I remembered seeing things exactly like this while I was in the therapy machine.  That meant it was more than just alright – it actually was part of my therapy!  At that point I gladly welcomed my nurse’s kissing me and lavished my thanks upon her tongue as she put it inside my mouth just like she’d put her cute little cock inside my spread cheeks.  The staff here all works so hard to help their patients with their therapy!