Playing the Part - Chapter 5

Playing the Part Chapter 5

Surprises, revelations, histories uncovered, romance, glorious sex, and then there's what Diana also goes through! Things get more complicated and more wonderful for everyone. Diana keeps finding ever more reason to always be there and fewer and fewer reasons to ever stop being Diana. Because it feels soo good to be Diana...

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Day 482:

I’d like to strangle her!  That damn little bitch.  I’m so mad right now.  What a selfish, thoughtless, nasty little girl.  I’m glad she’s not anywhere near me or I’d clock her!

After Jayden dropped me off back at Paul’s place I came as quiet as I could.  I figured Paul was home and asleep by then.  So, I took off my heels and was as silent as a girl could be getting into my little bedroom.  I decided that I could wait until the next morning before showering off.  Yeah, some of it was sticky down there but I like the feeling of Jayden keeping me wet down there.  And besides, his smell was still all over my body and that was a heavenly thing to fall asleep with me there in bed.  I’d have preferred him there with me in bed but that wouldn’t do that night.

Come the morning I was up and out of the shower all fresh and perky and ready to take on the day when I found Paul out on the balcony.  He was anything but fresh and anything but perky.

As Jayden and I had made love to each other that evening, Julie was breaking up with Paul.  The conniving little bitch only dropped the bomb on Paul after they’d finished dinner together and he’d paid the check.  That bitch!  And she was the one who choose where to eat that night.  Paul was crestfallen.  He hadn’t made it home at all that night.  Instead he hit up some bars there on Sunset and numbed himself from how vile that woman had been.  At least he didn’t try to drive back to the apartment.  He’d stumbled in somewhere in the wee hours.  I had my Meditation audio file playing and was out to the world at that hour.  Celine’s “sleepy time” tea will do that to me.  Especially if I’d just been so well boinked.  Thus, I didn’t rouse when Paul came back.  I’d have been there crying right aside him if I had woken up when he’d come in.

Instead, I just did what I could.  I made some coffee and got him drinking as much water and juice as I could.  I didn’t envy the hangover he was about to have as the booze worked out of his system.  Aside from that I just let him talk.  When he felt like talking.  That and held his hands.  I wanted to do more for him but he was in a deep, deep funk.  And he was still pretty blotto’d

Eventually, I persuaded him to get into the shower and then into bed.  He was so hammered he was still in stupor.  I thought of hoping into the shower with him but realized it would be better to leave him under the steaming flow by himself.  I did however, help him dry himself off.

I still don’t think that was a mistake.  He was still out of it as I coaxed him out of the shower and handed him a towel.  When I helped him dry himself off is when he looked me square in the eyes and it happened.

“You’re so beautiful” he said, and then he leaned in to kiss me.  In his still drunken state it was more like falling into me.  I wound up pressed against the bathroom door as his body covered mine.  His hot, wet, body covered mine and then his lips covered my lips.  Part of me melted with that kiss.  Part of me realized he was still drunk and this could turn out really bad for both of us.  Part of me didn’t want that kiss to end.

But, he pulled himself upright, wobbling as he did so, and again told me how beautiful I was.  Then he stumbled off to his bedroom and collapsed face first onto the bed.  Once I’d caught my breath I followed after him and did my best to dry him off and then get him under the blankets.  My leading man does indeed have a very nice body and a truly curvaceous set of bunns.  And his package isn’t just some “special effects” from the art department either.

I debated joining him in his bed there.  Just to hold and console him.  But, he was already passed out asleep.  And I didn’t think it right to do that while he was still in such a shape.  I let him sleep it off for the rest of the day.  I had another fitting that afternoon so I was out by the time he crawled himself up and got himself going.

Day 483:

I was nervous coming back to Paul’s apartment that night.  But he wasn’t in by the time I got there.

It had been a swell day for me otherwise.  More fittings and then it was on to swimwear!  Bikinis, Bikinis, Bikinis!  All day in bikinis!  They had lots for me to try on so I was posing all day.  Which meant it was good thing I had so much poise! Hah!

Mr. Simms was there, doing his director / manager / producer thing.  He was ensuring that the new bikinis were working out.  I loved them!  I love the colors and the patterns.  The bikini bottoms are cut just perfectly to show my derriere in such a sexy way.  And the tops are full enough to contain my “girls” but still make it real apparent to all that there’s a great rack behind that cloth!  Yum!

But, this also meant I was standing around a lot in just a little bikini.  Now, when I was in front of Gina’s lens that was fine.  She does great work with me.  We’ve been doing sessions together now for almost a year so we know each real well.  And it’s super great how she and I can so easily communicate now when we’re working to get the imagery and body positioning right so quickly.  But being in front of her lens also meant being in front of the lighting.  So that meant I was doing quite well in just those skimpy bathing suits but only while in front of the lighting.

Standing around off set while they made adjustments and all that meant I didn’t have the heat from the lighting on me.  And they had the A/C cranked up in that studio that day.  This is SoCal, after all and people will just die if they have to endure 80 degree weather!  If I was wearing something other than just a two piece then I’d have had enough cloth on me to survive the A/C trying to freeze me.  But, I didn’t so I wasn’t.  And I was starting to get super cold standing around between the shots.

Mr. Simms noticed that and asked if I needed a hug to warm up.  He must’ve thought I was kidding about being cold because he was surprised as I scampered right over to him and pressed myself into him.  He laughing wrapped his arms around me and then realized how cold my skin really was.  He then began rubbing my arms and legs to get the blood flowing.  He told one of the crew to go get an overcoat or something.  Mr. Simms is so good to me.

While the stage hand was scrounging for that overcoat I just kept myself pressed to Mr. Simms’ body.  He felt so warm.  And his arms around me felt so good.  And his aftershave smelled so good.  And the heat of his breath on my neck felt so good.  And… he just felt so good.

Of course, by the time the stage crew guy came back with some coat thingie, I was back out in front of the lights warming up nicely then.  And when it was time for a different colored bikini and then changes to the lighting again, I just cut to the chase and pressed myself into Mr. Simms straight away.  I held the overcoat over in front me.  He was like this oven of heat he warmed me up great between the takes.  We chatted about the different outfits and how my “Deportment Lessons” were going on and everything.  And he felt so good with his arms around me keeping me warm.  And we talked about how the marketing campaign was shaping.  And his voice just was so sweet to listen to.  And we chatted about the different locations we’d be using in the coming weeks.  And his aftershave smelled so good.

And then he started talking about the lingerie that was coming up.  I bubbled at that!  Me, in lingerie!  YESSSS!  That’s going to be such super fun.  And his arms around me felt so good.

I’m such a silly girl at times.  I think I’m letting my mind wander.  Or thinking things or imagining things based on how I think Diana would be reacting to them.  I mean, it would be heavenly if I was Mr. Simms’ wife.

There.  I said it.  I said it.  I did.  I’ve had that fantasy more and more of late.  Especially since that night with Natalie and Jayden.  Lots and lots of things burst forth after that.  I know I’d had that weird dream months back where I was his trophy wife – Mr. Simms, that is - but that was months ago and it was just this weird one-off thing.  Of late?  I mean, even with Jayden being around and making me swoon all the time – among other things! – and even with my feelings for Paul, I just can’t get the fantasy of being the wifey for Mr. Simms out of my head.  I’ve toyed myself into bliss while imagining that I’m in some little polka dot swing skirt number with my waist nicely cinched and some gorgeous black pumps on to greet him at the front door when he comes home from work.  And then dinner winds up getting burnt because he doesn’t let me get back to the kitchen to take it out of the oven before he bends me over right there at the front door.  It’s silly, I know.  But, damn if it’s not echoing in my head more and more these days.

So his having his arms around me like that and talking about all the nifty new outfits he had for me, well, my mind was reeling a bit.  Especially when he started talking about the lingerie.  Oh yes!  If you’d asked me back when I first started playing this part if I’d even consider modeling women’s lingerie I’d have laughed and said “No way!”  Now?  Now, you’d have to hold me back from it!  I just can’t wait for it!  I’ll close my eyes just thinking about all the heavenly little bits of fantasy made into cloth and I get dreamy about it.  Especially when start thinking about this one image of me that always pops into my silly little girly head.  It’s of me in this utterly divine Marabou and fluff robe number that is beyond words.  I can see it vividly though and it makes my heart go pitter pat just the idea of it.

Which is exactly what happened when Mr. Simms started talking to me about the lingerie shoots come up.  His voice sounded oh so wonderful.  And his arms felt so warm and strong.  And the idea of me in that outfit just made me purr. 

But I can’t tell if it was my silly happy little fantasy going on or whether it was reality at that moment.  As I bounced up and down in Mr. Simms’ arms when he talked about the lingerie, I could’ve sworn I felt him get hard behind me.  I felt for sure that the more I bounced and squirmed as he talked about what different sort of ladies “intimate apparel” he had for me to wear that the harder and bigger he got there in his pants holding me to him.  I felt for sure that was it for real.  But I can’t tell.  I mean, I didn’t turn around and put my hands on it to check.  What if I was wrong?  He’d have fired me for sure!  What if I was right? 

What if I was right?  What if Mr. Simms does want me?  Then I could be his wife for real.

Oh I am letting my fantasies run wild.  And I’m pressing it here.  I’m trying to stay awake for when Paul comes back.  I’m sure he’s gone off somewhere to get blitzed again.  I’m worried about him.  I hope he’s not gotten himself into an accident or something.  Or pulled over for driving drunk.  But I can’t keep myself awake any longer.  So, it’s off to bed for me.  At least I feel tired enough now that I won’t need any of Celine’s tea.  And I won’t have the Mediation playing so if Paul comes in I’ll hear him.  I hope.

Day 484:

That was unexpected.  Lots unexpected.

Day 488:

Of course, everything comes at once.

Ms. Cambrai got back from her trip Back East.  I ached to see her.  She ached to see me too!  Yay!  But, I had to wait though.  I’m not good at waiting.  Especially when it involves having to wait for Natalie to have her arms around me again.  And very especially when I now know that there’s other people who are ahead of me in line that Natalie is intimate with!  That was a surprise that shouldn’t have been a surprise but it was.  And, surprisingly, I’m a lot less upset about it that I would’ve thought I’d be.  Sure, I was caught off guard and pouted some.  Okay, I pouted lots.  But, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.  As lovers go, I’ve not been a full time thing.  Not my fault, not my choice.  There are plenty of nights each week that I’m not with her.  I wish I was with her all the time but that’s not reality.  So, Ms. Cambrai has plenty of time on her hands otherwise and, as she’s told me repeatedly, she has her own “needs.”  So, this is another dose of reality that I’ve had no choice but to accept.  And rather than throw a days long hissy fit over it, I decided to accept it as much as I can.  I still ache to see her though.

In the meantime, there’s Paul.

He eventually found his way home that night.  Truly blitzed.  No, he didn’t drive that night.  Thankfully.  And I didn’t hear him come in.  I did wake up when he came in.  Came in to my bed that is.  Even if it wasn’t his arms around me and his body pressing to mine, the smell of the booze on his breath would’ve woken me up!

When I got over the shock of someone crawling into my bed while I had been fast asleep, I managed to ask Paul what he was doing.  Did he mistake my bedroom for his, perhaps?  Nope, no such luck.

“Paul?” I asked.  “Aren’t you in the wrong bedroom?”

“No, babe.  I’m not.  I know right where I am and it’s in your bedroom, Diana!” he replied, happily drunk.  “Right where I wanna be, babe.” Even as he said that the happiness in his voice disappeared like a hot breath on a cold winter’s day.  “Right where I wannaaa be.” He said and then began crying.  Paul, holding me tightly to him.  Paul, in my bed.  Paul drunk and crying in my bed.  That damn hateful bitch to have hurt my friend like this! 

I started crying to.  It just tore me up to have Paul this way.  I tried turning to him so that I could hold him back.  But he tightened his grip around me so I couldn’t.  And cried some more.

“I wazz gunna marrrry her.  I wzzzz.  I wazzzs guhna proppuz ‘n ervrythingggg.  Murrry hrrr.” He was sobbing into my shoulder.  Sobbing and slurring and holding me so tightly to him.  I hurt for him.  I only wanted him to be happy.  I loved making the men in my life happy.  But he was holding me so tight I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t hold my friend and help him at all.  I could only help him by letting him keep holding me.

He was crying and mumbling as he eventually sort of dozed off.  He wasn’t quite fully asleep and each time I tried prying his arms off from around me he would wake up enough to pull me back tight.  It took a while but he eventually did doze off enough that I managed to writhe out from his enveloping arms and rolled him over to face the other way in my bed.  Then I got up and pulled on some panties and a negligee.  I considered putting on a bra or even a T-shirt but I figured that panties and something covering my breasts would be enough to be at least somewhat “dressed” in bed.  Certainly no longer naked.  And not naked like Paul certainly was.  I inserted myself back into my bed and hugged myself to Paul.  I tried just to hold my friend and cried myself to sleep as well.

The next morning I woke to an empty bed.  I was super surprised at that.  I’m usually up way before Paul.  I was actually glad that he slipped out of my bed because waking up together could’ve been awkward.  I found I liked his holding me in bed.  I liked how he felt.  I liked how he held me in bed.  Well, once his grip had eased enough that I could breathe, that is!

I liked it enough that I would’ve liked more of it had we woken up together.  At least if that made my friend happy.  I love making the men in my life happy.

I woke up and had to get to the bathroom – us girls and our small bladders!  And I figured it’d be better if I made it obvious that I was up.  So, I showered and then got myself together.  Peeking out of the bathroom I found the apartment was empty.  He must’ve really gotten up early out.  I was worried about him.  Lots.  I wanted him to be happy.  I knew we had to talk.  But, if he wasn’t yet ready then I wasn’t going to push it.  At least not that morning.  So, I got going.

Yoga first, then back to clean up and head over to the production office.  More fittings.  Today though it was super simple.  They just had some handbags for to do the photos with.  So, we had just a couple of basic outfits and Jonathan set to work.  I didn’t even have to do up my face all that much as the closeup shots were all of the handbags.  They did have me wear some truly scrumptious gloves though!  Including these oh-so-sexy opera length ones!  The way they set off the navy blue A-line number I had on was super elegant!  I didn’t even have to say anything to Mr. Simms about them.  He simply saw the look in my eyes, shook his head (with a smile) and said “Sure thing, Princess.  Go ahead.”  Yay!  I got to keep them!  I minced right over to him and made a show of wrapping my arms around him with those beautiful gloves on them and gave him the biggest hug ever.  I even kicked up a heel doing it.  We were all laughing and then Jonathan came over and took a quick couple of shots of Mr. Simms and I camping it up like that.  When we got done laughing I gave Mr. Simms another big hug and quick kiss on the cheek and said “Thank you, daddy!”  He smiled.

I like making my men happy.

I was glad I had such a good day but I was still worried about Paul. 

I got back to the apartment and realized something was different the moment I stepped in through the door.

The only lighting in the place was the glow from the candles Paul had set up on each side of the charcuterie platter he’d laid out.  Oh yum!  He knows how tapas is a favorite of mine!  And there was even two full portions of those scrumptious bacon wrapped stuffed dates I absolutely love!  He must’ve had it all delivered from Seneca’s as he knows I love that place!  The setting was so pretty.  I didn’t even know Paul had a tablecloth in the entire apartment but it was perfect.  And then he stepped out from his bedroom and it just got better.  I felt a wince of emotion at seeing him.

There was my leading man!  Looking absolutely gorgeous in his tux.  Yes, a tuxedo!  It fit him beautifully and he just looked so handsome!  He smiled that killer smile of his and then made a smooth display of “adjusting” one of his cufflinks before pulling out a chair for me at the table.

“Ah, perfect timing.  Would my leading lady care to join me for dinner?”  He asked.  My heart went pitter pat.  And I was glad I chose to wear those opera length gloves home.  I just loved them so much I didn’t want to take them off.  Even with them on though, I felt rather underdressed!  This was a super rare thing for Paul and me.  I’m always the glam gal ever since we started this production.  Now here I was in just a plain old A-line and Paul was in a tux!  At least the gloves helped.  Still though, Paul had me at a disadvantage.  And, I actually liked that.  I liked how the men in my life were so easily and smoothly in control.  I enjoyed that about them.  They’re so much more powerful than I am and I relish that strength and power they so gracefully display.

I set my bags down and glided as smoothly as I could to my leading man and sat down in the chair he’d pulled out for me.  Once he’d pushed me in I felt his fingers glide along my shoulders as he was straightening himself up.

“You look lovely Diana” he purred at my ear as he then took his place at the table across from me.

I’d never seen him so smooth and suave in his motions.  Everything from the way he’d seated me to uncorking the wine, pouring it and then toasting.  My emotions were a swirl.  This was truly a romantic effort of his and I loved it.

The romance that evening didn’t end with the dinner.  It just continued and grew to different levels.  The most wonderful thing for us was that we talked.  And we talked.  And we talked.  And… we cried.  I cried lots.  Paul, he cried as well.  We wound up on the couch together with his arms around me and my head resting on his chest. 

He felt sooo good.  And he felt so hard.  I’d seen that the other morning getting him out of the shower and into his bed.  But I was too wound up with the emotions of it all on that day and when he came into my bed as well that I didn’t realize what a hard body he’d become.  A magnificently chiseled hard body of a man.  It felt soooo good to be laying on to him.

As amazing as Paul’s body has become it was what we talked about which truly was amazing for me that night.  I’m still kicking myself for how blind I was to all of it.  I should’ve seen what Paul was going through and I feel super bad about just being totally unaware of it.  I was just so wrapped up in what I was going through that I let my leading man down!  Paul did his best to reassure that it wasn’t my fault.  That he held back so much because he knew how much I was going through that he didn’t want to dump more on my.  I just keep getting reminded how much stronger the men in my life are and how small and helpless I am at times.  I really do need to be better and making the men in my happy.

Okay, I have to stop here for now.  I’ve gone on for too long and Paul just got back from the gym.  I love how he tastes when he’s gotten in a hard workout.  And I know how make sure it’s a truly “full body” workout!

Day 490:

More from that heart to heart time with my leading man.

What a mess it all was.  He made the right decision by not telling me everything.  So too did Mr. Simms.  I wish it were otherwise but, their judgement is so much better than mine on these things.

Gosh, where to start?

Well, starting from the start is the best place to start, right?

Okay, that stupid woman who bailed on Mr. Simms and Paul?  The one who was supposed to be Paul’s leading lady in this ad campaign?  The part I am now playing?  Well, her name was Christina.  And she really was a “statuesque” figure.  But that woman was actually no woman at all!  She was a T-girl.  And that’s where so many problems started!

Seems she’d not happened to mention that little fact of her “gender status” and was so otherwise convincing that the production company – including Mr. Simms – chose her for the leading lady role.  Apparently, there was hell to pay once her “little secret” got loose.  Normally, that would’ve gotten that girl fired in a heartbeat.  But, apparently, some marketing geniuses back there at Donovan’s Clothing and Apparel thought that having a transwoman would give them a marketing “edge.” So, they went with her despite her having lied.

Pretty dumb of her to have started out that way but, after having gone through what I’ve gone through, I could understand her wanting the role so bad that she tried cutting some corners with being clear about who she was.

While she might’ve been convincing about being a woman she apparently wasn’t exactly the sort of “graceful and elegant lady” that Mr. Simms wanted for the production.  That’s why he got in touch with Ms. Cambrai and got those “Deportment Lessons” going for Christina.  I understand that too after I’d gotten to know Steven / Louann.  Louann can pass… mostly.  We’ve been out a couple of times now to T-Girl night at Hamburger Mary’s and I learned pretty quick that there’s a big difference between the “gurls” who can act womanly and those who can act ladylike.  Louann, and I love her to death, would have a super hard time being ladylike.  That’s just not who she is en femme.  I’ve watched her convince some hapless dopes that she’s a woman though.  So, that Christina was able to “put one over on” even Mr. Simms wasn’t that surprising.  What was surprising is how she put one over on Paul.

The girl was smart enough to realize getting her hooks in the production’s leading man would pretty much guarantee her being kept on the production almost no matter what.  So, she made sure to do everything it took to snare my friend.  And turned out to be really, really good at. He was smitten through and through.  She got her hooks in him and then reeled him in like a pro.  She even managed to convince Paul that she’d been honest enough with him upfront that he had no right to be put off by her being a t-girl.  Yeah, she was that good.

That it broke Paul’s heart was one thing, that it truly messed with his mind was something else.  He’d trusted this “woman” turned out to be nothing but lies.  By rights, the production company should’ve called it right then.  If Christina would lie to get the role and then be so devious once on board should’ve told them all that she couldn’t ever then be trusted again.  But, those guys back a Donavan’s corporate were only seeing the dollar signs and the marketing “angle.”

This was when Paul was so twisted up that Mr. Simms got him to seeing Dr. Williams.  Paul was super grateful for that as Dr. Williams really helped him deal with what Christina had done him.  And it turns out that she’d got Paul to questioning a lot of things about himself.

But before all that could be addressed, Christina decided she’d scammed enough from the whole effort and disappeared.  Gone in a puff of smoke!  Mr. Simms had some people who eventually followed her trail off to Thailand. She had used the money she’d been paid for playing the part to go and get the “final snip” and then she was done.  Even if she’d come back to continue in the role, she was absolutely untrustworthy – even to the suits Back East at Donovan’s.  Also, since she had gotten that final snip, there was no more “transwoman marketing angle” for the PR guys to run with.  She was done.  Truly and fully done.

In the meantime, Paul saw how completely luckless I was being in getting any good gigs here in La-La-Land.  Mr. Simms had seen me when Paul and I were running around and he noted how Christina was about the same height and all that.  Mr. Simms was the one who suggested Paul ask me about taking on the part.  Mr. Sims and Paul and the guys at Donavan’s thought this was a safer bet, apparently.

Getting another T-girl wasn’t an option.  The corporate guys apparently killed that outright.  They didn’t want to risk another Christina with their new leading lady running off to become post-op.  So they wanted someone who wasn’t already trans to play the part.  But they’d still then run with at least the possibility of claiming their new leading lady was trans.  If I worked out in the role, and could handle the trans publicity angle then they’d go with it.  If I worked out in the role but couldn’t handle the trans stuff, then they’d simply not mention that their leading lady of the clothing sales campaign wasn’t a lady after all.  All their bases were covered!

I just sat there when Paul explained it to me.  It didn’t make sense.  At all. “Why not just get an actual woman to play the role?  In this town?  With so many woman flocking here trying to get their break into the Industry?  They could’ve found one who looked close enough to being Christina that she could’ve been her twin sister!” I exclaimed to Paul.

He just shook his head and admitted that it was all screwed up.  Mr. Simms actually said the same to Paul as I just had.  But, the corporate muckety mucks at Donovan were adamant.  And as they were the ones paying everyone’s salaries, they got what they wanted.  And I got offered the part.

Paul thought it safe to have me play that part. I was as straight as he was.  And I was his best friend.  So, there’d be no risk of me trying to get my hooks into him and breaking his heart like Christina had.  Mr. Simms also agreed with that.  But, he wanted to be sure I could pull off the “elegant lady” bit.  So, it was off to Ms. Cambrai for all those “Deportment” lessons.  And also ensuring all involved did everything they could to help me “stay in character as I played my part” by only referring to me as Diana and getting those breast forms attached.

Well, we all now know how that worked out!

Paul was super apologetic about what happened with the glue and all.  He started crying bad at that.  It wasn’t his fault!  It wasn’t anyone’s fault.  And, all in all, it’s managed to work out.  When this production finally manages to wind itself down then I can move on from being Diana.  Well, that’s the theory, at least.

The reality for Paul though, was a lot worse.  Christina really put the whammy on him.  He’d always thought of himself as straight as I was.  But he had truly come to love her.  And when she revealed who she actually was that got Paul all twisted up.  Especially as she manipulated him by getting him to go along with her telling him she’d always let him know.  That’s part of what Dr. Williams and Paul had to work through.

That left Paul really doubting that he was actually straight.  So, after Christina bailed he began dating other t-girls.  This, in addition to dating actual girls.  That threw me!  I had no idea!  I mean, I was super busy by that time spending all my time either getting fitted for new outfits or at Ms. Cambrai’s studio getting “Deportmented.”  And I never checked out the girls Paul went with as we’d agreed not to try and poach them from each other.  I kept my paws off of his girls and he kept his off of mine.  It’s part of why we got along so well together despite living together like we did.

“So,” I asked, trying to remember the procession of girls Paul was dating over the past year or so, “which ones were t-girls?  Are you talking about Jasmine?  She was the black girl with those really knockout breasts, right?”  Paul laughed.

“No, you’re thinking of Mary.  She was the black girl with the really great tits.  Yes, she was trans.  Jasmine had an awesome figure but she was all girl down there.” He smiled in reply.

The problem with all that turned out to be that Paul found himself more and more attracted to t-girls.  And less and less attracted to regular girls.  To make it all worse, for Paul at least, was Diana.

As Diana emerged Paul found himself falling deeper and deeper for the lady I was becoming.  For Paul, I was everything he ever wanted in a woman.  I was far more womanly and far more ladylike than all the actual women he’d ever been with.  I had no idea about any of this. I was pretty stunned, actually.

I’d spent months feeling this yearning for Paul as Diana.  I always kept it back.  I had no idea he was feeling the same for me.  So many nights that I could’ve been in his arms.  So much of that time I simply wasn’t ready.  Before that night with Jayden I don’t know how I would’ve handled it had Paul told me all of this then.  Part of me was glad he hadn’t.  Part of me wished he had.

And now there we were.  Paul still hadn’t untwisted and unraveled all the knots he’d gotten messed up in after Christina and the hectic pace of the production and then Julie ball breaking him like she did.  Dinner was long since consumed.  The bottle of Malbec we started with was empty and so was the second one we uncorked.  I’d cried my eyes with Paul so much I had to run to the lady’s room to clean up the mess my tears had made.  Paul almost had to physically drag me out of the bathroom so I wouldn’t take time away from our holding each other by trying to put my makeup back on.  I’d probably have cried it into a mess again anyway.  Besides, the candle lighting was low enough to be flattering.  And given the choice between putting on makeup again or spending that time in his arms was pretty easy one for me.

I slept in Paul’s bed that night.  Eventually.  Eventually slept, that is.  So much more happened before we finally managed to get to sleep.  So much wonderful stuff happened.

Day 492:

I was super glad that things with the production had a breather for the next two days after that dinner.  I think Mr. Simms would’ve been understanding had either Paul or I call him to say we needed a little break.  But, we didn’t have to.  I did let Jayden know I’d not be there for my next couple of dance lessons with him.  That Paul called him to probably was a bit obvious as to why we both weren’t going to be there!  JJ

We didn’t leave the apartment at all the next day.  I don’t think there is even an inch of my skin left that Paul hasn’t kissed.  I know there’s isn’t that much left on him that I haven’t kissed either! 

I knew he was nice and muscular from our dancing together.  And, looking back on it, I had an up close and personal view of his physique getting him out of the shower that time.  But with my not being so distracted, emotionally, and with him not having any clothes in the way, it meant I really could appreciate how he’s changed over the months.  And it’s dreamy.  Like chiseled marble.  He is so wonderfully cut and defined.  Celine’s protein shakes and the hours he spends each day at the gym have really had their effect.

Paul said he’s actually had to start cutting back on the weights he’d been pushing.  He was starting to get so big it would be a problem fitting him for the outfits.  Gosh, how awful a fate!  Sigh….

For his part, Paul simply could not get enough of how lovely I am.  I’m toned but so wonderfully soft and feminine.  Just as an elegant lady should be for her man.  The way Paul savored me was heady.  I was in bliss with all the time we spent enraptured with each other.

Paul was actually insistent that I unlock my little soldier and take off the “gaff” for all of our time together.  Oh, that was so glorious.  The way he caressed me there was heavenly. 

I still am in love with Ms. Cambrai.  I still have a fire for Jayden.  But with Paul?  This was different.  Wonderfully different.  We literally spent two whole days together!  Together as in not being more than a moment or two physically apart from each other.  We were either holding each other all that time or holding each other and making love with each other or holding each other and talking to each other.  That second night we did, finally, manage to make our way outside the apartment. 

We went to this really cute little place in Santa Monica.  I made sure to pick it out and I VERY much made sure to make a point of handing Paul enough cash to pay for the meal.  I did this before we got into his car to drive over.  I told him that his first dinner date with this lady was going to be entirely different than his last date with that woman!

We wound up hugging each other and crying a bit and that almost made us miss our reservation.

After dinner – which was divine – we wound up on the beach there below the cliffs.  It was a weird feeling walking on the beach sand in my stockings.  The way the sand scrunched in through the weave kind of tickled.  I didn’t care.  I was hand in hand with my man.  With my leading man.  We must’ve looked like the perfect couple for anyone watching us.  And that night, we were.

The next morning, before I dashed off to yoga and Paul to the gym, we actually had a surprisingly pragmatic chat.  And it was Paul who brought it up.  I was kind of dreading how I was going to talk about things with Paul over this.  But, again, he is so much better at handling things like this than I am.  I really lucky to just let the men in my life, the wonderful men in my life, take the weight of all this off of me.  That way, I can focus on making sure they’re happy.

Paul said that he realized I loved Ms. Cambrai.  The look in my eyes for her whenever we’re together is obvious.  And he knew that it would be wrong of him to deny me that.  He also knew how deep my feelings are for Jayden.  I’m apparently pretty obvious about that too!

And apparently Paul has had some feelings for others.  This, quite apart from Julie.  And he’s still trying to sort things out about all that as well.

What it all came down to was that he wanted me to know that it was okay with him for me to keep exploring who, exactly Diana was.  This, just as he was exploring who he had become.

All this, just so long as we were always open and honest with each other.  We could be together as much as we both wanted.  But also be free with ourselves with the others who were important in our lives.

I think I surprised us both when the way I hugged him at that was so tight that I actually popped a vertebrae in his back like a chiropractor does.  I was glad I only had on just my basic makeup for the yoga class that morning as I was pretty joyously tearing up.  I think Paul got a bit misty eyed to.  Manly misty eyed, of course.  When he said he wasn’t getting tears in his eyes like I was because that’s just what girls like me do, I punched him.  We laughed and he hugged me close and we kissed so deeply.

And I think I hurt my hand from hitting him like that.  He’s that solid.

Day 510:

I had to sit back and think this through to be sure I was getting it right.  I’m still not sure I am but it sure seems right.  I’m pretty amazed at how the universe has made things flow right now.  I mean, I don’t want to tempt the Fates here by writing this down but the way things have come together is super awesome!

Before Ms. Cambrai took her vacation I was spending almost all my waking hours either at the production company, getting fitted or doing lighting checks or doing shoots.  Then there’s the time I would spend at the yoga studio.  And then there was the time I would spend at Ms. Cambrai’s studio.  Then my spa time and my time at Louann’s getting my hair done.  Whatever time was left was spent with Natalie.  I really had no other time to spend doing anything else.

Yes, I was a bit isolated but I was really super busy so it didn’t matter.  I like being so busy.  It made the days just blur by. 

Now I’m still just as busy but there’s been this whole shift in things.  There’s still doing the production work and yoga and Louann’s and the spa.  But my time with Ms. Cambrai is essentially over.  I really enjoyed all those days at her studio with her teaching me and educating how to play the part of Diana.  But, ever since Paul and I recognized who we are to each other, I’ve not spent anywhere near the same amount of time with Natalie.  We’ve made up for it in the few times we have spent together.  Or at least tried to. 

But Paul is now my life.  And Natalie is actually proud of me for that.  I still see her as much as I can.  And see Jayden as well.  But I was looking back through all this journal and was struck by both the change and how… calm it’s been.  Ms. Cambrai was so central to my life for so long that I couldn’t imagine a day going by without seeing her.  And certainly not a week going by without being in her arms.

I relish the times that we do get to spend with each other but I don’t yearn for them the same way anymore.  I yearn for Paul.  It’s like a switch got flipped on for him at the same time as the switch for Natalie was turned off.  I don’t love her any less.  I don’t lust for her any less.  I’m just at ease with being focused on Paul.  It means the world to me to make him happy.  My heart just melts when he smiles at me.  I love making him smile at me.

Day 511:

Not much time to write today.  We started things off like usual – we both climb out of bed and head off to our exercising.  Me to yoga, Paul to his gym.  His gym is closer but he does a longer routine.  Thus we pretty much get back to his apartment at the same time.  Which is super fun because we boink like crazed rabbits!  Then we hop into the shower together – which is also super fun as it’s wonderfully tight in there with two people so the body contact is awesome!  Then we rush to get ourselves going and over to the production company for whatever the day has for us.  From the looks of everyone in the crew I think they’ve figured out that Paul and I are “a thing” now.  Mr. Simms certainly has and the way he’s smiling at us both just makes me glow inside!

Day 520:

We’ve had to modify our morning routine a bit.  We’re boinking so furiously in the mornings that we keep showing up late to the production offices.  We’ve not gotten into any trouble officially but Mr. Simm’s did raise an eyebrow a couple of days ago when we showed up half an hour late.  I don’t want to ever displease that man!  Neither does Paul!

So, Paul now showers at the gym and by the time he’s back I’ve already showered and have my basic makeup on and am ready to go.  That usually means I am kneeling by the door to the apartment with no top on so that Paul can more quickly get his fingers on my nipples.  That really gets my motor running in general but when he’s rockin’ the nipple rolling I’m usually inhaling his manhood until I start bumping my nose on his pubes!  Doing that definitely gets my motor going!  Depending on the time, Paul may decide whether or not to let me “have my morning protein drink” (he can be so wonderfully raunchy with what he says to me) or pull up on my nipples until I’m standing and then twirl me around to bend me over.  Oh, I’m either not wearing panties or have ones he can pull aside easily.  Either way he’s quickly inside me so wonderfully my eyes roll back into my head.  When he takes me like that I usually manage to climax with barley a few strokes inside me.  And from the way I’ve learned my Kegels Paul doesn’t hold off either.

Then I just pop in a little plug to keep it all inside me – can’t have any inelegant wetspots! – and then get dressed the rest of the way.  Then we’re out the door and usually are right on time.  Usually.

Some days, depending on traffic or whatever, Paul might just press himself into me there while I’m on my knees at the front door until he’s worn all my lipstick right clean off.  Then after he’s released himself in my eager mouth he pulls me up plants a nice big kiss on me.  And it’s off to work for us both.

I suppose I should complain when I don’t get to climax like he does on those mornings.  But, damn if I’m not actually more turned on when he makes the choice for me.  I swear Mr. Simms can tell which mornings those are because he always notes how much more I’m so eager to please on the sets those days.  I don’t know.  I just seem so much happier and serene when my man makes decisions for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that rushed carnal sex we have and the way Paul’s cock inside me gets me to squirt is heavenly.  Even after I’ve tidied things up and pulled on my panties there’s still enough of my joy dripping out of my little soldier that it makes my panties wet!  That sort of dampness is a nice feeling.  And there’s no outfits I’d be wearing that would show any wet spot right down there anyway.

Day 525:

Our first location shoot!  Yay us!  It was a “rustic coastal setting” for this one.  Mr. Simms had a couple of classic 50s cars to use as props.  The black ’57 Chevy convertible with its red leather interior was my fav!  The pink ’59 Caddie was pretty but I think that look is overdone, personally.  I also think the blues of my outfits went better with the black of the Chevy.  The one white number I had on was divine against the red leather interior!

The photo shoot was in this private house there near Partington Cove.  It was this dreamy little beach house type thing stuck into the hillside right along the highway there.  Driving along PCH the only thing you’d see of such places is the fenced driveway entrance.  The houses are below the road and hidden by the trees on that side of the highway.  This house was to die for.  To. Die. For!  And it was perfect for the shoot.  Trees all over, 50s architecture, the ocean in the background, awesome lighting.  And it was dreamy!

Mr. Simms had us staying in this cute little motel up there near Big Sur along the 1.  I wish we could’ve stayed in that coastal house but, we only got to shoot in it, not stay overnight.  So, each night it was back to the motel after catching dinner at some yummy place nearby.

The motel was, okay.  Cute, yes but nothing to write home about.  It was a place to sleep at each night that wasn’t too far away from the shoot each day.  The walls of the motel were pretty thin, I guess.  Or maybe the guests in the room next to us just had super sensitive hearing or something.

Or maybe I’m just a little loud when Paul really takes his time making love to me and I have one of those full body orgasms. 

But, Paul can be pretty loud when cums too!  Well, at least if he doesn’t have his mouth wrapped around my little soldier, that is. J J J

Day 528:

I would’ve loved for Paul to have bent me over the hood of the Chevy.  Sigh… The crew that brought those cars out would have none of that, however!  They watched them like a hawk all day and put covers over them during the nights of the shoot.  Then they trailered them back LA when we were all done.  Hmmph!  That wasn’t fair!

The idea of Paul and I “getting past third base” in the back seat of 50s car like that is super hot!  Sigh…

Nothing aside from the usual for the next couple of days.  The guys Back East at Donovan’s corporate have got to review the results of the shoot.  So we’ve a couple of days off now.  And I am super glad I’ve learned what sort of lube works best of me down there.  Otherwise I’d be a very, very sore girl!

Day 529:

Paul said I’d really screwed things up bad.  I had no idea what he was talking about.  He said he told me to make dinner reservations at Elsa’s over on 3^rd tonight.  I know he told me to make them for tomorrow night.  I know he told me that.  He said wasn’t happy that I didn’t pay attention to him like that as it really screwed up his plans.  Before I could even try to explain myself he had me over his knees and my skirt up and was spanking my buns something fierce!  And he’s got much bigger hands than Ms. Cambrai and can pack a whole lot more wallop in them to!  In short order he had me crying from how stinging my little tush was!

Then without any let up or warning he hoisted me up astride him, popped out his hard cock, pulled my panties aside and then plowed himself into me.  It was as if I was just a rag doll in his hands.  He is that strong and powerful and…. Oh my!

My orgasm came on so fast that I barely was able to catch my breath!  One minute I was crying from the pain in my butt cheeks and then the next minute Paul’s wonderful cock was fully inside me and running right across my girly g-spot with each stroke.

His hands were like a vice holding me tight and moving me up and down on his length.  I had no choice but to give in to how powerful he was.  And I was on fire with lust from it.  He tipped me forward to get my lips onto his and when he rammed his tongue into my mouth is when I creamed my panties.  From the way I spasmed there around him as a result, that set Paul off too.  He pulled me hard down onto him and then held me tight against him as he let that electricity course through his body as pulsed into my insides. I ran my hands all over him and pulled myself onto him, kissing him as deep as I could.

When we both caught our breaths, we laughed and then began kissing each other oh, so, tenderly.  Eventually Paul just wrapped me up in his arms and held me close.  I was on Cloud 9 for sure!

And my ass really, really hurt too!

Day 530:

Dinner at Elsa’s was scrumptious.  I wasn’t even angry at Paul when he told me he knew I hadn’t made a mistake and was just looking for an excuse to redden my cute little ass.  And to make me squeal when I climax so quick and hard like when I’m taken that way.

But I made sure he paid for dinner.  The stinker!

Day 532:

My ass cheeks still hurt.  It feels yummy!

Day 540:

A pink – light pink – A-line, pearls, my hair up in a chignon with a matching cap pinned there, matching opera length gloves, 15 denier cream Cuban heel stockings, pink 10 strap suspender belt, and matching 6” heel stilettos against a midnight black ’58 Chrysler Imperial coupe.  Sigh…

That was my starting outfit at this divine Mid-Century over in Crestwood Hills.  When we went indoors the splendor just kept going. 

Paul looked stunning in his navy blue double breasted suit.  The matching tie and 3 point crown fold handkerchief his suit breast pocket was perfect.  It was all I could do not to devour him right there and then.  From the lust in his eyes, I could tell my outfit was setting him ablaze as well.

Oh, what a splendid day!  For that outfit and that setting, it was worth putting up with having to wait for the right lighting.  The “always sunny in LA” weather wasn’t living up to its promises.  And the Mid-Century house, gorgeous as it was, had a mid-century electrical system that couldn’t handle all the fashion lights Thomas had set up.  He worked around it, like the pro his, but that added time.  Which meant Paul and I had to stand around look pretty while we waited.  Luckily, that was easy for us to do!

That night, as a reward, I suggested we be bad!  Dinner-wise, that is.  Pure junk food!  My choice though.  As I had plans!  I asked for extra packets of honey when we went through the McDonald’s drive thru.  I had to fend Paul off from wolfing down his burgers right there and then.  Yes, he gets hungry enough to always have two.  He’s a growing boy! J

Once home we enjoyed our guilty fast food pleasure meal.  With Paul’s appetite sated – his metabolism really is that high with all those muscles of his – I ran to the little lady’s room to “freshen up.”  Oh, I did that alright.  And then slipped on these cute little flirty stay-ups with big kitty faces up at mid-thigh and then pranced out back to Paul.  I minced like a little kitty kat until I got between his legs and then “pounced” on what he had under his pants there.  With that freed, I then clambered astride him with my breasts but inches away from his smiling face.  I had lean onto him and smother him with those breasts as I reached behind him to where I’d left those packets.  Yes, I “had to” do that.

Slowly rocking myself on him, my little soldier standing up nicely at attention and leaking like it does when he’s that perky, I then pouted at Paul holding one the honey packets between my fingers.

“Oh, shoot!” I mewed, “looks like we forgot about these.  Hmm… whatever can we do with them now?  Oh, wait!  I know!  You haven’t had your dessert yet!”

At that, I ripped open the little packet of honey and began drizzling it across my left breast and onto my nipple.  Paul groaned and that made this little kitty kat purr.  Especially as I felt him throb there between my legs.  I leaned forward again and let Paul start having his dessert!  His tongue felt heavenly on my breast and even better on my nipple.  From the way he was moaning and growling and licking and kissing my breast and nipple and the way he was throbbing there between my legs, I didn’t think he was going to last.  I didn’t think I was going to last either.  Especially when he grabbed hold of my penis and pressed it against his cock.  Something fires up inside me when he does that.  He’s just so much bigger and more powerful and stronger and more commanding and… just… more… than me.  And I really like that.  We both had to pause a bit to catch out breaths.

After all, he hadn’t even had his dessert on my other breast and I still had a bunch of those little packets of honey to keep on drizzling onto them!

Day 550:

I’m sure I’m walking funny.  At least the guys on the crew are being gents by not saying anything about if I am.  Maybe it’s just my imagination.  But I’m sure I’m walking funny.  And I’m not sorry about it either!

Paul headed off early this morning out to J Tree with some of his gym buddies.  They’d been planning this trip for months.  So, it was no surprise and Mr. Simms gave it the A-Okay.  So off Paul went to do some camping and hiking with the guys.  I used to do that with him too.  But, I knew he needed some time for himself and to be with his pals.  And besides, the LAST thing I can afford right now is to get a sunburn!  Or even a tan, really.  With the outfits I’m wearing for these upcoming shoots I have to be pure creamy goodness.  So, no tanned skin for Diana!  And I know from the previous times I’d been out to Joshua Tree that the sun out there in the desert will fry your skin in a heartbeat. 

And I made my own plans too!  It’s been a long while since last I was snuggling with Natalie.  Or even at the wonderfully stingy end of Ms. Cambrai’s “pointer” either.  So, Paul and I talked about it, like we promised each other, and while he’s off for his “guy time” I’m going to get me some “lady’s time” with Natalie.  Or maybe, if that’s her mood, it’ll be with Ms. Cambrai.  And maybe if I’m luck it’ll be with Jayden too!  Hey, if you don’t put it out there to the universe it’ll never happen!

In the meantime, Paul and I made sure to “pay it forward” between us for the two weeks he’ll be gone.  I have honestly never had so much sex within a twelve hour period of time.  We alternated between gentle love making to unbridled passion then back to the gentleness.  I’m exhausted.  I thought, after all yoga and cardio and dancing that I would have at least some stamina.  Well, wrong again!  At least not compared to what Paul showed!  Mind you, I am NOT complaining.  I was delightfully run ragged by him again and again.  When I got home tonight I had to check myself down there to see if I was, in fact, bruised!  I’m not but it certainly feels like it.  I guess all that leg work I’ve done has really helped.  Paul certainly thinks so as he can not get enough of my buns!  Especially when I’ve got them framed by some divine set of suspenders holding up some sexy stockings!

I made a point of not changing the sheets.  I just rolled around in the scents we left in them.  Even as sore as I was I pushed a toy inside there and rocked myself back and forth with wishing it were him.  I had to use a vibe but, eventually, the pressure eased and I made my panties really, really wet.

I miss him already.